Cryptic Facebook Post

14 06 2014

I was sitting here at my computer, staring down facebook once again.  To post or not to post, that was the question.  I kind-of wanted to post something cryptic and “ill-mooded”, but I also didn’t wan’t to have flashbacks of having done just that same thing in high-school.  So I’m posting some more rambling non-sense here instead (I just hope it doesn’t take longer than an hour, or else I’ll regret it tomorrow morning).

The whole point of this “cryptic facebook post” that I had in my head to post (but didn’t), was, in a brief summary: “I’m not where I want to be in life”  I was hoping by this time I’d have at least one completed work of music, or a drawing that I would be proud enough to claim as my own, or at the very least a video blog so you can see my pretty face and listen to the sultry sound of my voice.  But no… you’re just reading some boring text, probably skimming from paragraph to paragraph.  I don’t blame you though; I do the same thing.  So this is what happens when dreams and reality meet I guess.  I’ve never had a job that I’ve said that I really didn’t like, but as humanity would have it, I’ve found myself skimming the bottom of the barrel hoping to find enough scraps to hold together some sort of thing that people call living (keep in mind I have 2 jobs… one of which I thoroughly enjoy, but I’m pleading the 5th on which one I’m talking about… here’s a hint: it’s not posted on my facebook that I work there.)

Don’t get me wrong, the people there are great (mostly), but that kind of environment is not suited to my strengths even in the slightest.  Which got me to thinking again, about my other post And Now: For Something Completly Different.  I desperately am clinging on to the theory of that post, probably as some sort of early-mid-life crisis.  But reality has sunk it’s teeth in hard, and I’m struggling to fight for my dreams.  I’ve found that it’s like this: the desire is there, and the skills are rusty (but there… I hope) but right now, I have no goals or outlet.  I’ve also noticed how having 2 jobs, makes me really not want to do anything at all when I have time off.  I play a lot of music, but most of it doesn’t accomplish much, as I don’t have anything hooked up to record anymore.  Lastly, I’ve noticed that I like to do creative things at night, which doesn’t help when I have to be up at 5 the next morning.  So… This “job” thing that makes me money.  it’s a necessary evil at this point.  And unfortunately, sometimes I have to do things I don’t like to do.

I’m still looking for a place to live in a more permanent situation.  I’ve got boxes and piles everywhere in the room my grandparents are letting me stay in.  It’s not home though, and it’s not suitable to what I want to be doing with my time.  But once again… there’s that money thing.

So, I’m not doing what I want in a place I don’t want to be, with my boxes and piles of dirty laundry to keep me company… hmm… let’s talk solutions.  Because solutions to problems are always more exciting than the problems themselves in my opinion.

Option 0: Do nothing

So I make money now, I eat good food and sleep in a warm bed.  What more could I want in life?  <– seriously  this isn’t fun at all.

Option 1:  Go to college!

Ok… I’ve given this some thought, and it actually seems like it could become a viable solution.  But there’s still lots of details and stuff to hash out in my head and on paper before it becomes even remotely doable.

Option 2: Find a different job

I’m working on this one passively, but seriously: it was hard enough the first time.

Option 3: umm…

Ok… I haven’t come up with any more ideas.  What can I say? I’m writing this all down as it comes to me anyway.  what did you expect? a well thought out dissertation on my thoughts this evening? ha ha! you obviously don’t know me very well then… moving on…

every now and then… I’ve highly considered, while driving, to just keep driving, to see where I end up.  Just to pack up some things, and hit the road.  But then again, it wouldn’t help with my mission at all.  so Option 4: I need to set some actual tangible goals for myself.  “Goal one: write goals down.”  There, that wasn’t too hard. I just need to keep going.  Now for those of you who don’t know how this blogging thing works, I’m going to stop writing things here so I can find some pretty pictures to put in before it gets much later into the night.

<insert 15 minute gap of time>

Well.. that was a waste.  There’s nothing good on the internet anymore (which is another tangent I might address later).  I took a bunch of nice photos last weekend, but they’re still all on my moms computer.  So it looks like you’re just going to get a big-ole wall-o-text this time… sorry.

 

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