The unemployment line dothst moveth slowly

21 02 2014

As many of my readers know, I’ve been unemployed for about 3 months now.  Which, when I say it like that in my head, it doesn’t sound so incredibly awfully long.  But there are days when it sure feels like it.  During this time (up to this point) I’ve discovered three main thoughts:

The first was brought about by what my mom said during a family meal a week or two back, while we were talking about me and my siblings and where we wanted to be in 5 years (brought about probably by me stating to them about my disgust for that question during interviews).  Anyway, my mom said something to the effect of “…I bet you [me] were right where you wanted to be though.”  This revelation should have seemed obvious.  I think I was caught up in all the hard times and the rough transition of Camp, that I forgot that I really wanted to be there.  It’s really hard to try and make yourself want to be somewhere else when you honestly don’t.  Outwardly, I took the transition very well.  Even inwardly, I was excited to see where my life would lead to next.  But a couple of months after the fact, I realize very much that I never really wanted to leave.  At Lake City, I had friends, a job, a church community that I loved.  Now… well… it’s been challenging.  My home church here in Delta has changed a lot in 5 years.  Although I was home to visit quite often,  the last few times I went into Delta for church (I’m a half hour south right now), I realized that I hardly recognized anybody.  Although I was still aware of what was going on there, The staff is pretty much all new, and of course, all my old friends are either still in college, or moved away.  I did get plugged in with the worship team again, and that’s been pretty much the best thing ever.  So back to my point: It’s been hard to find the new “where I want to be” here.  Suddenly the age old question is slapping me in the face again: “where do you want to be in 5 years?”

The second thought is this: why don’t people know anymore (primarily to the question above)? Ever since kindergarten we’re asked “what do you want to be when you grow up?”  And then from then on out you are being equipped with knowledge and tools to help you get there.  Now granted, your choice is probably going to change about a thousand times, and the knowledge is being fed to you through a “cookie-cutter” machine.  No matter how nice or awful the teacher is, they aren’t going to teach you exactly what you specifically need to achieve what it is you plan to do when you “grow up”.  So lets face it: most of us have at one point or another been asked “where do we you want to be in 5 years.”  and the first thing that pops into are head, and sometimes we feel it should be blurted right out loud to our job interviewer: “I dunno.”  I mean seriously, that question is so close minded and unfair.  I’ve given up trying to figure out where I want to be in 5 years, as the answer changes at least 2-3 times a year.  I’ve also realized that that’s not what interviewers are asking.  What they really want to know (or should want to know) is: HOW do you want to be in 5 years.  Which is also how I’ve decided to answer interviewers now.  Other things I’ve noticed is why people do dumb things.  And there best answer to why they did said things is: “I dunno.”  well… why don’t you know?  it’s not like you were trained to do dumb things.  On the contrary, we’ve been trained to do and be smart.  It may seem obvious to me that the culprit here is passiveness.  We don’t care anymore and just want the easy way to do things.  And why don’t we care any more?  I actually don’t know, and don’t feel like doing the research on why that is… 😀 Actually, it seems to me, based on my uninformed opinion, that the culprit is TV.  Everything we see on TV works out for good in the end.  And when bad things happen on TV they are usually followed by everything working out for the better in the end.  Not always how it works in real life my friends.  I’m sorry to have to say it but it just is (well… not exactly but I don’t want to get too philosophically deep here).  Bad thing happen, and sometimes they don’t end well here on earth, physically.  So we see all these good endings on TV and we hope that one day everything in our own lives will pan out just like that… So we wait… then we grow impatient for it to happen.  We may give a nudge in the right direction, but we want to wait and see if something will happen.  Then we start to lose hope.  Then we give up and stop caring.

I feel as though I may be somewhere in the middle of this cycle:  I was just where I wanted to be,  something bad happened, and now I’m waiting for something good to happen again.  People (usually family members) ask so why don’t you have a job yet (ok, they’re really asking if I’ve found any prospective jobs, but that’s not how I feel when they ask)?  And the only thought that comes to mind is: “I dunno”.  I realize that’s not a good answer.  And partly it’s because I’m waiting for a good job… like it’s just going to appear out of thin air, and it’s calling my name.

As a third thought (because every good speech needs three points).  I really hate interviews.  Like, really really really hate them.  And I’ll tell you why: because I’m very good at judging people.  Not in a sense that I look down on them, but rather I can usually tell how people are thinking.  For example, I can usually tell about half way through an interview (no matter how well it was going) whether or not they want to hire me.  The thought of knowing this usually makes the later portion of the interview a disaster.  I shouldn’t feel beaten down and picked dry at the end of an interview.  Quite frankly and employer who starts a prospective new hire by emotionally draining them need not inquire.  For me, I’ve spent a lot of time building and un-building emotional walls.  Mostly revolving around me not liking to talk about myself at all.  Even in writing these posts… I usually write, erase, write again… wait a week, delete the post and re-write it.  This is one of the few places I can really feel most open about talking about my personally life.  Probably because hearing it out loud scares the crap out of me.  And I know what some of you are thinking: “suck it up” “grow up” “just deal with it” “It’s a part of life and…”  Shut up, all of you thinkers of such things.  Sorry, I can’t be nicer about it, but what would you have me do?  if you’re going to tell me to do such things then please lose your job, most of your close friendships you’ve made in the last 5 years, and then move to a place you thought you knew but know realize you don’t.  I seem to keep waving back and forth between this place of retrospective philosophical stance and just feeling mad.  It’s verging on bi-polar madness.  Yes there is a time where I do and will need to “suck it up” and take action.   And it can happen simultaneously with me expressing my thoughts.  But please don’t get the two separate processes mixed, and don’t be a psychologist for me  (philosopher is OK though 😉 ).

Moving on now.  I’m still actively watching all the job sites for work.  I need to make a call to a career councilor somewhere, sometime… soon, so I can stop the “I dunno”s.  If anyone has any suggestions as to a good career guidance coach, please let me know.  Or if anyone has any jobs (preferably related to either commercial kitchens, or basic/intermediate IT) or know’s anybody who has those jobs available… you should let me know.

“have computer and skillet… will travel,”
Kyle

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