Tick… tick… tick……BOOM!

27 06 2010

I’ve decided to start counting how many times this summer the ambulance will come to camp.  I’m pretty sure we’re up to four or so.  The simplest explanation for everything is that Satan is trying to keep God from being glorified through the work of the staff.  Which, in a way, makes me really excited about what’s happening and what’s going to happen.  So when people ask how camp is doing, and I say, “well, we’re alive,” I mean it literally.

I’m not sure whether it’s the accidents that keep happening to the other staff or, if it’s just me, or what?, but I’m starting to get really, really, antsy.  It’s like I don’t know what I’m doing anymore, or why I’m doing it.  I feel like I don’t belong here anymore, for much longer.  Don’t get me wrong, I love the people here, and the ministry God has put me in.  But at the same time, I feel like God is calling me elsewhere, even though he hasn’t said where yet.  I’m currently in a state of udder confusion, because I don’t know why I feel like I don’t belong, and I know God want’s me to be where I am right now, serving him in whatever I do.  But at the same time I feel being called elsewhere.  And I don’t know why I can’t be content where I am now.  And I’m guessing the above two or three sentences didn’t make a bit of sense, which just goes to show how confused I feel right now.

A good way to put it, is that: right now, I feel claustrophobic.  It’s like the mountains, the rooms I live in, even the people around me, are closing in around me and It’s getting a little hard to breathe.  I was in a meeting last Friday and I almost couldn’t take it anymore.  As people were talking, I felt like I was turning invisible.  And I know that for a fact, I’ve been interrupted more these past couple weeks than I have been in a long time.  I’ll be trying to talk to someone and in the middle of my sentences, they’re turn and start talking to someone else.  I don’t know if this normally happens to people or if I’m just keener to it happening.  Some people, dream of the power of invisibility, others feel as though they can’t get rid of it.

Once again I’m up to late and I’ve got campers in my cabin.  time to call it a night, although I’m sure I won’t sleep well.  My devotional group just got done having a prayer meeting, and it made me feel really stressed (several reasons I’m not going to describe here).  But anyway,  “God is good”, and He will put me where he want’s me, wherever, whenever, with whoever that may be.



One response

28 06 2010
Laura B.

Kyle, thank you for sharing those thoughts. I have to admit that I have found myself doing that turning to someone else in the middle of a conversation thing when I was talking to another .. Thankfully God brought it to my attention.. I’m so sorry. And the feeling restless and confused thing, well, for me and several other people I’ve talked to over the years, I’ts a normal or at least common thing. I’m there right now as well.. I’ll be praying for you for direction and peace…Love Laura

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